Of CEDEF Paychecks and Bankruptcy
by Lunakatsuma
Summary: Mammon and Fran take it upon themselves to teach a certain CEDEF apprentice about money and what sadistic methods one can use to obtain it. The two illusionists' influence over Basil will produce very nasty results for one Sawada Iemitsu. / "I say you have a score to settle." "Indeed he does." "…why, yes I do."


**Luna: I know I have 'Headphone Actor' and 'Merger' to work on, but this oneshot, 'Of CEDEF Paychecks and Bankruptcy', took over instead. It was inspired by and based on a roleplay. Thank you, fellow roleplayers! Enjoy~!**

**Basil: (DISCLAIMER) Luna-dono does not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn or any of its characters.**

* * *

Basil had been spending quite a lot of time with the Varia recently. Or more specifically, the two illusionists _of _the Varia.

This unlikely event was due to a run-in the young CEDEF apprentice had had with them one day in the Vongola mansion in Italy, as all three of them had been sent to report to Vongola Nono about their respective separate groups of the Vongola. Mammon had complained to Fran, saying something about asking Xanxus for a pay raise, and Basil, who had overheard, had mumbled in realization, "Now that I think about it, I do not recall receiving a single paycheck for my services to the CEDEF in my life…"

Of course, being Varia, Fran and Mammon had overheard him in return, resulting in Mammon exclaiming disbelievingly, "You don't get _paid_!? How do you _live_!?"

…which turned into a discussion about the CEDEF and its finances that revealed that the CEDEF was, indeed, bankrupt.

Somehow, that conversation had morphed into what would have been called a friendship if two of the people involved hadn't been illusionists in the Varia… or Fran and Mammon in themselves, for that matter. But Basil enjoyed their company, and the two Mist Flame users didn't seem to mind him there, so he visited them frequently.

That brought Basil to where he was sitting now, on a couch in the Varia's headquarters. Fran was reclining in the opposite couch, his legs crossed and his face adopting a bored expression. Mammon was standing on the table in between the two, Fantasma on top of his head in its frog form. Fortunately (and surprisingly), none of the other Varia members were present; apparently, everyone (even Xanxus) was on a mission and it hadn't required illusionists.

"Does anyone happen to know why the stupid long-haired commander never cuts his hair?" Fran asked monotonously, putting his hands behind his head (or rather, behind his neck, as his hands couldn't go around the large frog hat he wore).

Basil thought about it for a moment before he remembered. "I believe it was because of a vow Squalo-dono made to Xanxus-dono… something about not cutting his hair until Xanxus-dono replaced Sawada-dono as the Vongola Decimo…?"

"Mu," Mammon drawled in his baby voice, deciding to tease the Rain Flame user again. "Are you sure, little bankrupt CEDEF child?"

Basil sighed. "Please, couldst thou stop it with the bankrupt remarks? Tis bad enough that thou made me realize that I have never received a paycheck during my time in the CEDEF…" A depressed aura surrounded him as he comically hung his head in defeat.

Fran stretched his limbs outward, relaxed, and stood up from his spot on the couch. He plopped down beside Basil instead, whose head was still lowered in desolation, and patted him on the back. On top of Mammon's hood, Fantasma transformed into a hovering salamander biting its own tail, allowing the Mist Arcobaleno to float over to Basil as well as he patted him on the head. The small acts the two did were what encouraged Basil to think that they were, perhaps, friends.

"It's fine, Basil," Mammon told him in the most comforting tone he could muster, floating down to land on his right shoulder.

Fran leaned back. "Cheer up and I'll give you Iemitsu's bank info, okay?"

This caught inevitably Mammon's attention. "What bank info?" he questioned, turning in his seat on Basil's shoulder to look at his fellow illusionist over the CEDEF apprentice's hair (which was only made possible by the fact that Basil's head was lowered). "I only knew about the subpoenas."

Fran mentally laughed at that and listed them out aloud, putting up a finger on his hand for every item he mentioned. "Social Security, PIN, passcodes… his checkbook… credit cards, debit cards…" The green-haired boy paused on his second hand, thinking.

"…" Basil finally registered what Fran was saying. He raised his head to look at the young illusionist, stunned. "Master has money… and CEDEF is bankrupt!?" Using a term he had learned recently from the internet, he mumbled, "What is this even…"

"…oh, and his Swiss Bank information."

"…Master has a _Swiss Bank _account."

Fran put his hands down and deadpanned, "He's the one that forgets to hand out paychecks, Basil." He had a rare moment of emotion as he added with a small smirk, "He also forgets that I'm not above hacking for money… too late for him, though. The top magician has all of that info now~"

"Fran, you are spoiling all of our secrets," Mammon chastised, secretly proud of his charge. "_Now _what'll we use for blackmail?"

"Why should I say?" Fran pointed out, still smirking. Then, Basil straightened and stood up from the couch, causing Mammon to fall off of his shoulder and neatly on the couch and Fran to question, "Where are you going?"

"I am going to go to Master right now and give him a piece of my mind," Basil replied firmly, determined. "He has a Swiss Bank account and credit cards, yet he refrains from handing the bankrupt CEDEF members paychecks…" _…which includes me, _he added silently. "I have a right to confront him about this."

As he headed out of the Varia headquarters to go to the CEDEF, Fran commented, "Do you think we've influenced him too much?"

"Mu… seeing as he used to blindly follow Iemitsu… yes."

"That's a good thing, right?"

"Of course it is."

* * *

Fran and Mammon were waiting for Basil when he came back from CEDEF headquarters an hour or so later.

"So, Basil?" Mammon questioned immediately as Basil sat back down on the same spot he had occupied before he had left. "How did the confrontation go?"

"He wasn't there…" Basil sighed, looking a bit disappointed at not being able to confront Iemitsu. "I went to his office, but it was empty… and the window was broken."

Mammon sighed with him, settling down on his shoulder once again. "Mu, he's probably run off with the cash now." He turned to look at Fran. "Fran, do we still have GPS on… him…" The baby trailed off. Basil followed Mammon's gaze and stared.

Fran was silently holding up a CEDEF-marked wallet.

"I didn't pickpocket him, I swear!"

"…"

"It was lying there! On the carpet! It was lonely so I put it in my pocket!" Fran now whistled innocently.

As Mammon snorted beside him, Basil smiled in spite of himself as he noticed that Fran and Mammon were showing quite a bit more emotion than they had been before the three had started meeting each other like they were at the moment. Basil's goal was to help them open up more and more with every meeting. "Tis rather difficult to believe, Fran-dono…" he remarked.

"The fact that Iemitsu probably wasn't intending for that to end up in your pocket didn't matter, huh?" Mammon commented dryly.

"…" Fran hesitated before relenting and stating cautiously, "Okay, I may or may not have gotten a pack of mastiffs to attack him and make him drop his wallet…"

"Good job," Mammon immediately told the green-haired boy, nodding at him approvingly.

Basil, on the other hand, was shocked, his eyes wide. "…thou sent _mastiffs _to attack Master!?" Despite the two illusionists' somewhat constant presence around him, he had not been influenced to the point that he would enjoy intentionally harming the man known as Sawada Iemitsu…

Fran nodded. "I sent them after you left. I figured you would need some help when you confronted Iemitsu." He handed Basil his paycheck, stating disbelievingly, "The check is dated… 2009."

"…"

"He's forgotten your paycheck for nearly four years…"

Mammon patted the side of Basil's head. "You poor, deluded soul," he murmured.

Fran rummaged around in the wallet further and finally pulled out a few ancient checks. His eyes widened considerably and he uncharacteristically gaped, "Holy _shit_." He flipped the check over. "1990. Your _mom's _paycheck, Basil… and I see a 1999 paycheck labeled as Basil's first paycheck."

"Oh wow…"

"That was… when I was two," Basil mumbled, having mentally counted the years.

Mammon stared at the old slips of paper that were in between Fran's forefinger and middle finger. "…and how many times did you almost die again, Basil?"

"Um." Basil thought about for a moment before admitting, "I lost count."

Mammon floated from Basil's shoulder and hovered in front of his face. "I say you have a score to settle," the Mist Arcobaleno told him.

"Indeed he does," Fran agreed.

"…why, yes I do."

At the CEDEF apprentice's reply, Fran immediately stated, "Basil, join the Varia."

"Join us; we pay," Mammon nodded.

"We give out paychecks on time-"

"-with _real _currency, and we have pensions."

"I will not join the Varia," Basil responded reluctantly. "The CEDEF has many other members besides Master. I cannot leave them, and I enjoy spending time with them. But…" The blond looked up with a rare glint in his eyes. "…may I request thine assistance in dealing with this matter?"

Fran immediately responded with a drawl. "I call his sanity."

"Mu, sure," Mammon answered. "What do you want us to do?" He hesitated before hopefully adding, "…and how much will you pay us?"

There was still a sly gleam in Basil's blue eyes. "Just… deal with Master. Please, do anything thou wishes to, excluding anything that may cause me to be fired from CEDEF." Wishing to make his friend happy, he offered, "I will give thee all of my previous paychecks. I never had them in my possession in the first place, so there is no loss."

"…so, how are _we_ supposed to cash them in?"

"I will cash them in. Thou will receive the money."

"DEAL."

"PERFECT."

"There is a life that needs to be ruined."

"And there is money to be made."

"Again, do not get me fired, please."

"He can't fire you if he's not mentally fit to work."

Basil sat back and allowed Mammon and Fran to plot Iemitsu's torture. _Mammon-dono and Fran-dono art forces to be feared, _he thought as he listened to the two's _creative _suggestions and watched the pair's sadistic sides to grow.

"How about we send him dreams of Nana divorcing him?" Fran proposed, sliding the old checks back into the wallet and tossing it to Basil.

Mammon shook his head. "How about we send him images of Levi and Lussuria _raping _him?"

"Ah, that too!"

Basil slipped the wallet into his pocket and interrupted politely, "…couldst thou give Master some of Sawada-dono's revenge as well?"

Mammon pondered for a moment before answering, "Mu… I suppose we can send him images of the Decimo and the Decimo's Hyper Dying Will self in the middle of their more… _sexual _activities."

Fran flicked his wrist. "Umm…" An evil grin crept onto his face. "A Double X-Burner to the gentials."

Mammon snickered. "Nice." His voice was full of excitement now. "Or make him think that Nana is actually a _man_!" As Fran broke down laughing, he added, "Just imagine the look on Iemitsu's face when he begins thinking he's been boinking a guy… and that he bore him a son."

Basil imagined it.

"Priceless."

The blond decided that it would be a good idea to leave to cash in the old paychecks his Master had refrained from giving him all his life so that the two illusionists could receive their payment upon their return. They would have earned it many times over.

* * *

**OMAKE**

"Mammon-dono! Fran-dono!"

"Hm?"

"What?"

"I received my first paycheck today!"

"Good for you, kid."

"Nice."

"…and Master did not stop shivering once as he wrote my check."

"Heh."

"I should think not."

* * *

**Luna: Remind me never to get on you two's bad sides…**

**Mammon: Mu, of course. I am the master of disaster.**

**Fran: And I am the doctor on insanity.**

**Basil: *pays***

**Luna: Please review! All criticism is welcomed!**


End file.
